My life. My busy Life. My exciting, busy life.
I have two distinct ‘skill’ sets. The first and primary skill resides largely as a visionary. A creative intuitive visionary. I am not short of fun, out of the ordinary, amusing, insightful, dare I say, brilliant ideas. The execution of these ideas falls into the second domain…and there lies my quirkiness.
My second skill, is less clearly defined, let’s just call it a plodding-whimsical-planner. I like things to be well mapped out, with tangible markers. Yet my productivity can be characterized as being slow and steady, sprinkled with amusing deep dives, getting lost in a thread, emerging with bits and pieces that may or may not make it onto my most desired map of tangible specifics.
I’ve learned to live with these anomalies. But they can and DO create quite a racket inside of me from time to time.
For the past few months, my meditations have sourced this feeling of wind energy, skimming over the ocean creating turbulence on its surface. Frisky energy that isn’t all that pleasant or satisfying. When I stay with this feeling, welcoming and allowing its presence, I find an uncomfortable separation, inviting me to slowly drop down, down into the dark unknown water of a distant past.
As I settle into this depth, images of my beloved newborn self emerge, fearful, alone, abandoned. Gently with a mothers heart, ever ready and willing, I pick up this beloved swaddled self and draw her close to my heart. Tears fall. Feeling the instinctive movement of my hands over heart, the sensations of this touch, swaying and rocking, are like lullabies welcoming and soothing these buried feelings.
My newborn and I have come very far during this amazing life. She had been a guide into deep waters before. Whenever we meet, I feel more whole. This, I believe is my souls journey to integration and wholeness.
I am not sure where this current journey as an entrepreneur will take me—how I will integrate the visionary and the whimsical plodding planner. But I do know I have entered something vital and important. I have so many notations on my old and wrinkled map— all those collected bits and pieces, tools and resources I have gathered all these years. Amazing teachers, mentors, companions, family and friends, and a community of deep divers all by my side.
And I am devoted. Ever ready to offer what I can to support others on their own journey towards wholeness and integration.
Like a life ring thrown out to bring me ashore, this poem by Danna Faulds arrived at the end of my morning meditation today.
May the light of the summer illuminate everything good and beautiful about you,
Robin
“The moment your eyes are open, seize the day.Would you hold back when the Beloved beckons?Would you deliver your litany of sins like a child’s collection of sea shells, prized and labeled?“No, I can’t step across the threshold,” you say, eyes downcast.“I’m not worthy, I’m afraid, and my motives aren’t pure.I’m not perfect, and surely I haven’t practised nearly enough.My meditation isn’t deep, and my prayers are sometimes insincere.I still chew my fingernails, and the refrigerator isn’t clean.”Do you value your reasons for staying small more than the light shining through the open door?Forgive yourself.Now is the only time you have to be whole.Now is the sole moment that exists to live in the light of your true Self.Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain.Please, oh please, don’t continue to believe in your disbelief.This is the day of your awakening.
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